He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Drake has all the answers
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
