Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
