If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
