Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
