I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I believe in your delicious
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
