Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
