I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
