The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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