My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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