i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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