I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
