idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
