Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
