I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
