then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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