when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
