Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
