Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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