I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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