Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
