somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
