And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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