Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
