My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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