that's an acceptable place to lick
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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