is your mom at the bar?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
