if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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