I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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