it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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