She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
