YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
