Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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