just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
