so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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