We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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