Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
