OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
