My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
