Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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