Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
