Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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