Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
