Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
