My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
