I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
