Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
