whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
