Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think a kid would responsible me up
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
