Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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