i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
