I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
