so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
