I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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