I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
